Our One Word
It's a new year and a new decade -- so hard to believe! After a pleasant New Year's Eve we were excited to receive our final bit of paperwork from Husband's employer and send it off to the adoption agency. We keep saying that the wait is almost over; we hope that this time it's the real deal.
A new year always brings new beginnings. There are resolutions to be made, gyms to be joined, and promises to try and keep. One trend in particular is choosing My One Word. I had heard of this trend and had never really given it much thought until the start of the previous school year. My administrator decided that we were going to do a team-building activity that involved reflecting on our goals and choosing a word for the year; we then got to stamp the word onto small pendants. When she introduced the activity I didn't really take it seriously; I've never been one for this kind of thing, so I figured I would just play along. As part of the activity we were given a series of questions to consider; while I can't remember then all, the sentiment is here:
1. What's the one thing you've always wanted to do?
2. If you could spend today doing whatever you desire, what would it be?
3. What are the reasons you don't go after my dreams?
4. How would you finish the sentence: "More than anything, before I die, I want to ____________"?
5. What's missing from your life?
6. What gets in the way of you achieving your goals?
We also looked at a list of words and asked to consider which ones represented us (or, as someone who can be highly self-critical, I looked at the ones I envy in others). This is the kind of personal work that is so difficult because it requires wading through insecurity and doubt. It's ultimately personally gratifying, but there's a lot of discomfort and uneasiness to stumble through first.
At this point, we were over a year into our fertility struggle and waiting to see the doctor for help; we didn't know the low points that were yet to come, but we were already feeling scared and discouraged. Questions like these kept bringing my mind back to the family we wanted so badly but so far couldn't have, and I started to feel sorry for myself. In particular, I hated thinking about what was getting in the way of us achieving our goal because, as we had learned from the fertility doctor, it was me. We were quietly filling out our questions, and I noticed people around me getting quite emotional as they really took the time to think them through. I was suddenly surprised to feel tears rolling down my cheeks -- by golly if I hadn't fallen into it all as well. I suppose it was the first time I was truly forced to acknowledge my fears, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I would have preferred the wallop to happen in private and not in front of all of my colleagues, but emotions are gonna do what emotions are gonna do.
I sat there, quietly wiping away tears, and thought about a word. We were asked to share our words (although thankfully we did not have to give any explanation or context), and as I pulled myself together I finally settled on one: strength. I resolved to be strong for myself, strong for Husband, and strong in the face of whatever our future would bring. I stamped my little pendant and added it to my key chain. It's still there now.
My dedication to build my strength is still there, too. While we haven't had to repeat that activity at work I'm still reminded of it around this time of year as it inevitably trends on social media. Some choose a word for the first time, others choose a new one each year as a way to re-focus. I admire those who conquer one a year and feel ready to move on to something else; I feel like I could spend a lifetime on all of them and still never feel like I'm done. For now, I think I'll stick with strength. We've still got a long way to go on this journey, and we're going to need all the strength we can get. More importantly, though, we need to make sure we don't to be our own heroes. We don't have to be strong all the time, and sometimes one of us can shoulder the load for the other. We are so lucky to have a strong support system to build us up when we are in need.
A new year always brings new beginnings. There are resolutions to be made, gyms to be joined, and promises to try and keep. One trend in particular is choosing My One Word. I had heard of this trend and had never really given it much thought until the start of the previous school year. My administrator decided that we were going to do a team-building activity that involved reflecting on our goals and choosing a word for the year; we then got to stamp the word onto small pendants. When she introduced the activity I didn't really take it seriously; I've never been one for this kind of thing, so I figured I would just play along. As part of the activity we were given a series of questions to consider; while I can't remember then all, the sentiment is here:
1. What's the one thing you've always wanted to do?
2. If you could spend today doing whatever you desire, what would it be?
3. What are the reasons you don't go after my dreams?
4. How would you finish the sentence: "More than anything, before I die, I want to ____________"?
5. What's missing from your life?
6. What gets in the way of you achieving your goals?
We also looked at a list of words and asked to consider which ones represented us (or, as someone who can be highly self-critical, I looked at the ones I envy in others). This is the kind of personal work that is so difficult because it requires wading through insecurity and doubt. It's ultimately personally gratifying, but there's a lot of discomfort and uneasiness to stumble through first.
At this point, we were over a year into our fertility struggle and waiting to see the doctor for help; we didn't know the low points that were yet to come, but we were already feeling scared and discouraged. Questions like these kept bringing my mind back to the family we wanted so badly but so far couldn't have, and I started to feel sorry for myself. In particular, I hated thinking about what was getting in the way of us achieving our goal because, as we had learned from the fertility doctor, it was me. We were quietly filling out our questions, and I noticed people around me getting quite emotional as they really took the time to think them through. I was suddenly surprised to feel tears rolling down my cheeks -- by golly if I hadn't fallen into it all as well. I suppose it was the first time I was truly forced to acknowledge my fears, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I would have preferred the wallop to happen in private and not in front of all of my colleagues, but emotions are gonna do what emotions are gonna do.
I sat there, quietly wiping away tears, and thought about a word. We were asked to share our words (although thankfully we did not have to give any explanation or context), and as I pulled myself together I finally settled on one: strength. I resolved to be strong for myself, strong for Husband, and strong in the face of whatever our future would bring. I stamped my little pendant and added it to my key chain. It's still there now.
My dedication to build my strength is still there, too. While we haven't had to repeat that activity at work I'm still reminded of it around this time of year as it inevitably trends on social media. Some choose a word for the first time, others choose a new one each year as a way to re-focus. I admire those who conquer one a year and feel ready to move on to something else; I feel like I could spend a lifetime on all of them and still never feel like I'm done. For now, I think I'll stick with strength. We've still got a long way to go on this journey, and we're going to need all the strength we can get. More importantly, though, we need to make sure we don't to be our own heroes. We don't have to be strong all the time, and sometimes one of us can shoulder the load for the other. We are so lucky to have a strong support system to build us up when we are in need.
Comments
Post a Comment