What Have You Done For YOU Lately?
This isn't my first blogging adventure. I've had another blog for awhile, although I've gotten away from it as my attention has been diverted to other things. However, I wrote a post there a few years ago that holds some relevance here. It reads, in part:
Last week I attended a meeting where the presenter discussed the power of "yet"-- how someone can re-frame his/her thinking so as to have a growth mindset. For instance, instead of saying "I can't run a marathon," I should tell myself, "I can't run a marathon...yet." To be fair, I feel there's a fine line between self-confidence and false confidence; no matter how strongly I believe in myself, I'm not sure any amount of positive thinking will turn me into an Olympic gold medalist. However, my thoughts on the theory were tested just a few short hours later...
I discovered that someone was making disparaging jokes at my expense about my weight. It's no secret that I have a love-hate relationship with my body. And it is indeed a journey -- I feel like I barely remember where I began, and there is no ending in sight. The source of the jokes claimed no harm was meant, that it was just supposed to be harmless and silly. In the moment I put on a brave face and tried to laugh it off. That night, though, I wasn't laughing. I was sad and embarrassed and disappointed and angry. It wasn't that I was in some sort of denial; I'm fully aware of my flaws, more so than anyone else. I guess I just thought I was doing an exceptional job of keeping them under wraps, but it took one joke to drag them out in the open. I suddenly felt like I was under a magnifying glass, that everyone could see everything I disliked about myself, and that people had probably been laughing behind my back along. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I was eating, and a few days later I rejected a dress in a store because it had horizontal stripes and I worried that it would spawn another round of teasing. By suddenly feeling the need to make all of my decisions based on how others saw me I was giving away the privilege to control how I felt about myself.
So, this brings me back to the power of yet. It would be easy to use this incident to say, "I'm not as skinny/pretty/athletic/(insert other adjective here) as I want to be...yet." It would also be easy to say that the jig is up and to start filling the freezer with ice cream. However, I've decided to do neither of those things (although ice cream is really yummy). Instead I've decided to tell myself, "I'm not the entire package I want to be...yet." I've been working hard on myself physically, but I'm only addressing part of the equation. While I want to ensure that I'm healthy for as long as I can be, I also want to be as happy for as long as I can be. I'm not there..yet. But I've got the power to be.
What does this have to do with adoption? As it turns out, plenty. One of the biggest things I had to face during our infertility struggle, surprisingly, wasn't emotional. My body went through a lot of changes, resulting in a significant weight gain. Some of it was a physical response, but some of it was a reaction to my feelings of failure. The blog post above is a small insight into how long I've had body issues. I'll have moments of clarity that will lead me to bursts of exercise and eating right. Right when I feel like I've got it handled life will drop an obstacle in my path and I fall off course.
The last three weeks, though, I've thrown myself back in the game again. I'm back to tracking my food and exercising. I'm part of a Facebook group, and many of us are committed to getting in 220 workouts in 2020. Husband has his own goals to accomplish thanks to the army, but having the two of us in this together makes a big difference. Not only do we feel stronger and more in control, we now feel better equipped to deal with whatever this adoption journey throws our way.
I also am ready to shed the physical reminder that our road to a family won't be traditional. Starting the adoption process requires closing the door on having a baby and having to properly say good-bye to something that wasn't meant to be. While it would be easy to wallow, it ultimately leads nowhere...or at least, in my case, it only gets me as far as the couch. Just like we can't allow our lives to be consumed by waiting for a phone call from the adoption agency, I can't allow my feelings of loss to detract from my self-care. I have to take care of me. Hopefully that will make me a better mother when the times comes.
Last week I attended a meeting where the presenter discussed the power of "yet"-- how someone can re-frame his/her thinking so as to have a growth mindset. For instance, instead of saying "I can't run a marathon," I should tell myself, "I can't run a marathon...yet." To be fair, I feel there's a fine line between self-confidence and false confidence; no matter how strongly I believe in myself, I'm not sure any amount of positive thinking will turn me into an Olympic gold medalist. However, my thoughts on the theory were tested just a few short hours later...
I discovered that someone was making disparaging jokes at my expense about my weight. It's no secret that I have a love-hate relationship with my body. And it is indeed a journey -- I feel like I barely remember where I began, and there is no ending in sight. The source of the jokes claimed no harm was meant, that it was just supposed to be harmless and silly. In the moment I put on a brave face and tried to laugh it off. That night, though, I wasn't laughing. I was sad and embarrassed and disappointed and angry. It wasn't that I was in some sort of denial; I'm fully aware of my flaws, more so than anyone else. I guess I just thought I was doing an exceptional job of keeping them under wraps, but it took one joke to drag them out in the open. I suddenly felt like I was under a magnifying glass, that everyone could see everything I disliked about myself, and that people had probably been laughing behind my back along. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I was eating, and a few days later I rejected a dress in a store because it had horizontal stripes and I worried that it would spawn another round of teasing. By suddenly feeling the need to make all of my decisions based on how others saw me I was giving away the privilege to control how I felt about myself.
So, this brings me back to the power of yet. It would be easy to use this incident to say, "I'm not as skinny/pretty/athletic/(insert other adjective here) as I want to be...yet." It would also be easy to say that the jig is up and to start filling the freezer with ice cream. However, I've decided to do neither of those things (although ice cream is really yummy). Instead I've decided to tell myself, "I'm not the entire package I want to be...yet." I've been working hard on myself physically, but I'm only addressing part of the equation. While I want to ensure that I'm healthy for as long as I can be, I also want to be as happy for as long as I can be. I'm not there..yet. But I've got the power to be.
What does this have to do with adoption? As it turns out, plenty. One of the biggest things I had to face during our infertility struggle, surprisingly, wasn't emotional. My body went through a lot of changes, resulting in a significant weight gain. Some of it was a physical response, but some of it was a reaction to my feelings of failure. The blog post above is a small insight into how long I've had body issues. I'll have moments of clarity that will lead me to bursts of exercise and eating right. Right when I feel like I've got it handled life will drop an obstacle in my path and I fall off course.
The last three weeks, though, I've thrown myself back in the game again. I'm back to tracking my food and exercising. I'm part of a Facebook group, and many of us are committed to getting in 220 workouts in 2020. Husband has his own goals to accomplish thanks to the army, but having the two of us in this together makes a big difference. Not only do we feel stronger and more in control, we now feel better equipped to deal with whatever this adoption journey throws our way.
I also am ready to shed the physical reminder that our road to a family won't be traditional. Starting the adoption process requires closing the door on having a baby and having to properly say good-bye to something that wasn't meant to be. While it would be easy to wallow, it ultimately leads nowhere...or at least, in my case, it only gets me as far as the couch. Just like we can't allow our lives to be consumed by waiting for a phone call from the adoption agency, I can't allow my feelings of loss to detract from my self-care. I have to take care of me. Hopefully that will make me a better mother when the times comes.
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