An Empty Seat at the Table
We're living in strange times. In the midst of a pandemic life as we know it has changed dramatically. I've suddenly become a virtual teacher. Husband was furloughed from his job, but was then offered a chance for temporary orders with the army. He is working overnights -- three nights on, two nights off. He's only a few hours away, so he can come home to do his laundry and enjoy a home-cooked meal. I like to joke it's a bit like having a college student instead of a husband, but we're grateful for the arrangement. It's not a deployment, but it's a steady paycheck and a way for him to feel useful in rather chaotic times.
The downside is that I'm constantly alone. When I first started working from home I was constantly busy -- glued to two computer screens, in and out of video conferences, emailing, making phone calls, figuring out how to stay connected to students. While I've been able to find a routine, I've also found that the routine is draining. Being able to work in sweatpants and sleep an extra 90 minutes each morning is not a bad deal at all, but those perks haven't been enough to overcome the difficulties. Initially Husband was still here; even though I took over our desk space and he often had to find somewhere else to be during my meetings, I was still comforted by his presence. We got to spend more time together. We exercised together, we cooked together, we watched documentaries together. For a bit there seemed to be a silver lining to all that was happening in the world.
Then, he left. To be fair, we still see each other about once a week and can call/text throughout the day. I'm certainly not taking that for granted. However, the days and nights spent alone are taking a toll. It feels sadly lonely to sit down to a dinner cooked for one. I miss seeing him across the table. The house feels empty. I miss him, but I'm also grateful for the reminder that I am so lucky to have him as my person. As he likes to say, "We can live without each other, but we can't live without each other". I can live without him right now because I am so incredibly proud that he is getting to serve in such an important way. However, it's an incredible affirmation of our relationship that I can't live without him.
The downside is that I'm constantly alone. When I first started working from home I was constantly busy -- glued to two computer screens, in and out of video conferences, emailing, making phone calls, figuring out how to stay connected to students. While I've been able to find a routine, I've also found that the routine is draining. Being able to work in sweatpants and sleep an extra 90 minutes each morning is not a bad deal at all, but those perks haven't been enough to overcome the difficulties. Initially Husband was still here; even though I took over our desk space and he often had to find somewhere else to be during my meetings, I was still comforted by his presence. We got to spend more time together. We exercised together, we cooked together, we watched documentaries together. For a bit there seemed to be a silver lining to all that was happening in the world.
Then, he left. To be fair, we still see each other about once a week and can call/text throughout the day. I'm certainly not taking that for granted. However, the days and nights spent alone are taking a toll. It feels sadly lonely to sit down to a dinner cooked for one. I miss seeing him across the table. The house feels empty. I miss him, but I'm also grateful for the reminder that I am so lucky to have him as my person. As he likes to say, "We can live without each other, but we can't live without each other". I can live without him right now because I am so incredibly proud that he is getting to serve in such an important way. However, it's an incredible affirmation of our relationship that I can't live without him.
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