Shifting Expectations
Yesterday afternoon my phone rang, showing an unfamiliar number. I don't always answer those calls, but the area code showed it was located in the same area as our adoption agency. I decided to chance it...and I was right. It was indeed the agency.
As soon as the caller identified herself as the agency director my heart began to race. My mind went to all of the possible reasons for the call, good or bad. It turns out the call was mostly good. She told us that there was a potential expectant family with whom she wanted to share our profile, but there was one part of our preference sheet didn't align with theirs and she needed to know if it was something we were willing to compromise. She also wanted to let us know, now that we are almost a year in, why our profile wasn't shown in some situations. One reason we weren't shown was religious preference -- clearly not something we can control or change. The other reasons dealt with our preferences, and while some of them were things we still stand solid on some of them are things we are starting to reconsider.
We did say we wanted our profile shown, so now we are in the anxious waiting game yet again. We are also in a position to re-do our preference form and possibly open up more options. For context we were also informed that there have been quite a few inquiries made to the agency this month; that doesn't mean that all of the expectant families will move forward, but the odds are much more in our favor at the moment than they've been in awhile. That being said, it's not this for that. There are currently ten waiting families with the agency, and this month there were ten inquiries. Matches won't just automatically occur, like finding a partner for a class activity; this isn't first come first served. The match still has to be strong and beneficial for everyone involved.
In a previous post I wrote about how we've made certain decisions about our preferences and how we want to hold true to what's important to us. What we are learning, though, is when we made these decisions we didn't know what we didn't know. That's not to say that we are throwing everything out the window; there are some things we won't compromise on, and we know that as badly as we want to become parents we don't want to selfishly create a painful situation for ourselves or a child. However, we also realize there will never be that one perfect opportunity for us. We can't hold out forever waiting for the ideal match that will never come. Seeing all of the available situations out there -- on social media, from our agency -- that have passed us by, we are learning more about the realities of adoption. Perhaps we've been too judgmental or naive about things. This is an excellent reminder, though, of the saying "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." We don't know what brings expectant families to decide to pursue adoption, just as no one can know what brings people like us to decide the same. We all have to open ourselves up a little bit more and make ourselves a little bit more vulnerable; it won't be easy, but it will hopefully be worthwhile.
As soon as the caller identified herself as the agency director my heart began to race. My mind went to all of the possible reasons for the call, good or bad. It turns out the call was mostly good. She told us that there was a potential expectant family with whom she wanted to share our profile, but there was one part of our preference sheet didn't align with theirs and she needed to know if it was something we were willing to compromise. She also wanted to let us know, now that we are almost a year in, why our profile wasn't shown in some situations. One reason we weren't shown was religious preference -- clearly not something we can control or change. The other reasons dealt with our preferences, and while some of them were things we still stand solid on some of them are things we are starting to reconsider.
We did say we wanted our profile shown, so now we are in the anxious waiting game yet again. We are also in a position to re-do our preference form and possibly open up more options. For context we were also informed that there have been quite a few inquiries made to the agency this month; that doesn't mean that all of the expectant families will move forward, but the odds are much more in our favor at the moment than they've been in awhile. That being said, it's not this for that. There are currently ten waiting families with the agency, and this month there were ten inquiries. Matches won't just automatically occur, like finding a partner for a class activity; this isn't first come first served. The match still has to be strong and beneficial for everyone involved.
In a previous post I wrote about how we've made certain decisions about our preferences and how we want to hold true to what's important to us. What we are learning, though, is when we made these decisions we didn't know what we didn't know. That's not to say that we are throwing everything out the window; there are some things we won't compromise on, and we know that as badly as we want to become parents we don't want to selfishly create a painful situation for ourselves or a child. However, we also realize there will never be that one perfect opportunity for us. We can't hold out forever waiting for the ideal match that will never come. Seeing all of the available situations out there -- on social media, from our agency -- that have passed us by, we are learning more about the realities of adoption. Perhaps we've been too judgmental or naive about things. This is an excellent reminder, though, of the saying "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." We don't know what brings expectant families to decide to pursue adoption, just as no one can know what brings people like us to decide the same. We all have to open ourselves up a little bit more and make ourselves a little bit more vulnerable; it won't be easy, but it will hopefully be worthwhile.
Comments
Post a Comment