Letting It Out

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Last week I saw a post on one of the social media groups from a lawyer looking to interview hopeful adoptive parents for a project.  I was interested to learn more, so I replied I'd be open to talking.  A time was set, a Zoom invite shared, and a few days ago we spoke.

I was a bit nervous as to where this would go, but as it turns out the lawyer and I had a lovely discussion about our adoption journey.  Nothing was advertised, nor was I pressured to take part in anything; her questions were simply designed to get feedback from people trying to adopt.

I found myself answering her questions openly and bluntly -- I figured I had nothing to lose, and I'd likely never speak to her again.  There was no need to worry about being judged.  I was pleased to feel the exact opposite, actually.  Although she had her scripted questions, it was clear she truly wanted to hear what I had to say.  Our conversation covered a range of topics, and I addressed a lot of the frustrations and fears I've had over the last few years.  I reflected on the pain of infertility, the time spent analyzing and agonizing over whether to even pursue adoption, the anxiety of waiting, and the worry over all of the what ifs.  I talked about the overwhelming social media world and the lessons we've had to teach ourselves.  I was honest with her about our limitations and boundaries.  I basically recapped this entire blog over Zoom.

I was proud of myself for not getting too emotional as I spoke; the feelings are always there, but I guess I'm getting better at feeling them without being engulfed by them.  This blog has been a great way to get my feelings out without placing the burden of them on others -- we have some amazingly supportive people in our lives, but we try really hard not to constantly lay our worries at their feet.  My time with the lawyer felt like a therapy session of sorts, and I appreciated her willingness to listen.  She was genuinely interested in what I had to say, and I could tell that her words of admiration and appreciation were sincere.  I wish her well with her project plans, and I was glad I could help...while getting a little help in return.

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