National Adoption Month

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It's November 1, which means it is the start of National Adoption Month.  Coming the day after Halloween wouldn't normally matter, but last night one happened to collide with the other.  We spent a lovely evening sitting socially distanced around a friend's fire pit handing out Halloween candy.  Seeing so many young ones in costume made my mind wander to what our first Halloween with a child would be like -- would we dress up as a family?  What kinds of pictures would we get to take?  Husband doesn't typically acknowledge Halloween, but would having a little one change his views?

We also heard about our friend's latest real estate plans.  She and her husband are considering listing their home and buying a much larger home that they would share with her daughter and son-in-law.  I was genuinely curious about the whole idea, so I asked what prompted them to consider it in the first place.  She revealed that her daughter would like to adopt one day, but given her anxiety about raising a child she thought it would be best to live with her mother to strengthen her support system.

I had a lot of immediate reactions to this, and admittedly I may not have thought before blurting out, "With all due respect, if she thinks raising a child will induce anxiety she doesn't even know what she's in for with the adoption process."  This friend knew we were pursuing adoption so the statement wasn't a total surprise, but Husband and I suddenly found ourselves sharing about our experiences being ghosted by expectant mothers or feeling major discomfort with agencies that treat expectant mothers like business transactions.  I felt bad for perhaps coming across as judging my friend and her daughter, so I made sure to say we'd be happy to help them as best we could when/if they decided to move forward.  I think my friend completely understood where we were coming from and didn't seem offended by what we had to say, and I completely understand how difficult having anxiety can be.  However, I couldn't help but wonder about it all.  We chose to pursue adoption because we wanted to be parents full time, not part time.  Yes, I'm scared about becoming a mother and all it entails -- but it's something I'm willing to take on for both the positives and negatives.  Throughout our adoption journey we've learned we have to work really hard not to judge others, but it's still human nature.  Everyone's story is different; there are just some versions that will never be right for me. 

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