One Child Nation

Yesterday Husband decided to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather to go for a motorcycle ride, leaving me with the cat and the remote control.  I decided to watch a documentary I had seen advertised called "One Child Nation".  The film examined the fallout of the one-child policy in China.  The filmmaker was inspired to learn more after the birth of her first child; she returned to China and realized the implications the policy had not just for her family but for so many others.  I had a feeling it would be a hard film to watch, and I was right.  Putting aside the impact the policy had on international adoption (a path Husband and I have chosen not to pursue for a variety of reasons) it was a stark reminder of how parenthood can look so different in so many cultures.

The idea that babies -- girls in particular -- were cast aside because of this policy made me unbelievably angry.  Here we are aching to be parents, and this film featured people openly admitting they were forced to abort, abandon, or kill their children.  To be fair, the film pointed out the dire consequences faced by those who did not comply.  It's not for me to say they were wrong for not doing more to save these children; I am not that naïve.  However, I deeply empathized with the filmmaker.  She sat there watching her mother -- a kindergarten teacher, no less -- hold her infant son while she spoke of agreeing with the policy, saying the country's officials obviously knew best.  Later the filmmaker's younger brother (who was allowed to be born since they lived in a rural area that had provisions for families to welcome a second child) spoke of the favoritism he received as the male child.  Growing families wasn't about love; it was about having more family members to bring home money or to take care of elders.  A former midwife spoke of spending her retirement helping couples facing infertility as a way to atone for the thousands of abortions and forced sterilizations she performed.  Families whose discarded children were sold to orphanages and eventually adopted by Western couples weren't informed that these children, upon learning what happened to them, had no desire to connect with their birth families in any way.  The whole cycle was heartbreaking.

I absolutely recognize the privilege I enjoy being a U.S. citizen.  I realize that I am spoiled for choice when it comes to ways to start a family -- or even the choice not to have a family.  No one tells me I can't be a mother or questions why I want to welcome a child.  I just can't understand, then, how someone could be so fortunate to welcome a child and then throw it all away.  I don't know what's it like to live in such an oppressive place, I know that.  That acknowledgement doesn't dissipate my anger.