A Cautionary Tale

Recently two hopeful adoptive mothers have posted in the social media groups, celebrating being matched with an expectant family.  One shared pictures from a photo shoot announcing a due date in June, which prompted a flurry of congratulations...along with a couple of people questioning whether it was wise given that nothing was official.  The hopeful adoptive mother assured everyone that she had an amazing connection with the expectant mother and that she felt that announcing in this way was right for them.  I didn't jump in the fray -- it wasn't my concern.  I do always question posts like these, though.  The posters say it is to give hope to the rest of us that our matches are out there.  Is that really true, though?  Who am I to question anyone's sincerity, but there's a part of me that finds it all very insensitive.  Hope is great, but maybe without all of the bells and whistles.

The other adoptive mother took it a step further, sharing her joy in a picture taken the day she and her husband were leaving for the hospital.  I will fully admit that curiosity got the best of me and I checked out her social media page; she had it set on public, so to me that's fair game.  The posts about adoption and the relationship with the expectant parents were pretty constant.  Here was a picture of the Airbnb they rented to spend the first few days with the baby.  Soon after was a picture of her at the doctor with the expectant mother, resting her hand on the mother's pregnant belly.  Not long after that was a seemingly superfluous selfie along with a message about the wonderful afternoon she had spent with the expectant parents.  Today the tone was different, as she announced that after having the baby for four days the birth parents withdrew their consent and the baby was returned to them.

Let me be totally clear -- I wish that devastation on no one.  However, it's hard not to highlight the lesson here.  Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is guaranteed.  It doesn't matter how great the connection seems, how perfect the stars seem to align, or how right anything feels.  This couple just learned a painful lesson, and now they must deal with their grief as publicly as they shared their joy.  The birth parents' reasons are irrelevant; Husband guessed that perhaps they saw the social media posts of the baby's first few days and realized what they were missing.  Maybe the hopeful parents created too much pressure on the birth parents.  Perhaps the desire to share so much of themselves was what ultimately caused their disruption.   I do feel bad for them, I honestly do.  But I also hope they learn something from this, because I sure have.