Hair Necessities

As Little Man grows and changes, we are starting to learn about the best ways to care for him.  While we were putting together our registry we added typical health and hygiene products -- lotions, shampoos, and the like.  However, we quickly realized that not all products are created equal.  The overview we received from the adoption agency about hair care for Black children way back during the initial home study process suddenly became much more relevant, and we are now doing everything we can to learn how to care for Little Man properly.

There are many different types of curls and textures to Black hair, and the options for hair care are overwhelming.  I started following different pages on Facebook and Instagram, some of which are specifically for white adoptive/foster parents to learn how to care for their children's hair.  Like anything else with raising a child, there is conflicting information out there; some will swear by one brand, for instance, while others will say not to touch it with a ten-foot pole.  I've recently connected with a few transracial families and asked for their advice.  While helpful, it comes with the caveat that it can be a lot of trial and error.  One consistent takeaway is that there is no excuse for not caring for his hair properly.  Hair is part of his identity, and not caring for it shows an egregious lack of respect. Not understanding the unique needs to Black hair and treating it like any other hair is unacceptable, as is deciding to keep it short with minimal effort for our own convenience instead of giving Little Man freedom of expression with it as he gets older. While it contains NSFW language (consider yourself warned), John Oliver did an excellent story on the importance of Black hair.  Hair is part of a first impression, and as Oliver shares the first impression of Black hair can often lead to discrimination.  Twists, locs, braids, natural curls...they all tell a story, and Little Man will get to decide his story as he grows.  However, he will still need our guidance since knowing how to care for hair is not an inherent skill.  We knew we needed to do more than just Google on this one.

We decided our best bet was to eliminate at least some of the guesswork by visiting a local Black barber.  Thanks to a suggestion on Facebook, we reached out to James, owner of Talk of the Town Barbershop.  We weren't sure how our initial message would be received, but we were warmly welcomed and had a great conversation.  We were assured that we were on the right path and that our instincts have been on so far.  We learned that we need to think about hair care in terms of both maintenance and vanity, since each serve a purpose. James told us of his own story with hair, both his own and his work with others.  He showed us combs and walked us to a shop next door that could guide us in learning to braid, though he also encouraged us to search out videos on YouTube.  As part of some of my research I came across experts who are very protective of their time and of their value -- this is business, and trying to take too much without getting anything in return feels like an insult.  I completely get that train of thought and wanted to be sure James didn't feel like we were taking without giving.   However, he approached this completely differently; this is all about showing love to Little Man, so why not let that love be shared freely?  Business is business, but life isn't always about business.

Though we left feeling much more confident, we also appreciated being seen and heard.  We aren't trying to be performative and show off how well we as white parents are taking care of Black hair, and our visit wasn't about getting pats on the back.  We sincerely just want to do right by Little Man, so why not show humility and ask questions instead of assuming we know best...especially when it relates to more than just looks?  James gave freely of his time and expertise, which was such a gift.  His respect towards us and his genuine invitation to reach out with questions anytime was so lovely.  We are proud of ourselves for listening and learning, and our happy and healthy boy is proof positive of that.