The Fourth Trimester

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Yesterday Little Man turned three months old, meaning we have officially survived the fourth trimester.  Having not been pregnant it wasn't something I really had heard of before until we were in the early days of newborn fog.  As I quickly learned, the fourth trimester refers to the first three months of a baby's life as they learn to live outside of the womb.  While it is also a time of adjustment for new parents, it makes sense for the baby -- after growing so cozily for so long, the outside world is certainly bright and jarring.

The fourth trimester is all about getting through.  Sleeping and eating happen on demand, sometimes simultaneously.  Laying down alone in a bassinet or crib is shocking, which is why laying snuggled in someone's arms listening to a heartbeat is the ultimate comfort.  There is no concept of day or night, and although as we get older sleep just seems inherent that's not the case for newborns; sleep, just like anything else, is a skill that has to be developed.  Milestones are met...unless they aren't.  Having expectations of when something might occur only to have it happen early or late leads to some self-doubt -- was it our fault?  Did we not do enough tummy time?  Why are we up all night when other newborns are already sleeping for hours at a time?  Is our baby broken or something?

Although it took me time to get there (and there were moments I thought I never would), I've become much more patient as Little Man moves through his paces.  Some nights he sleeps for at least five hours at a clip, but when the next night he doesn't that's perfectly ok.  If he wants 5oz at one feeding but only 3oz the next, there's nothing wrong with him.  He won't always nap for two hours, and sometimes only the comfort of our arms will do.  He didn't magically become a different kid the moment he hit 12 weeks, but it's all starting to come together.  He's slowly bringing those skills and instincts together in the right direction.  Maybe he didn't sleep five hours straight last night, but I know he can and he will again.  If he's not hungry on a schedule I'll just be sure to be ready when it happens.  The panic at not being able to settle him has subsided, partly because I know his cues better now and partly because I see that I sometimes just have to go with his flow.  We made it to this amazing point, and there is nowhere for him to go but forward.  Three months seems like a lifetime and short spurt all at the same time.  I can't believe we've been a family for three months already, and I am eager to see what happens next.

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