National Adoption Month -- From the Other Side

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Last year during National Adoption Month I was writing from a place of uncertainty.  This year I write from a place of...well, uncertainty.  Despite our absolute joy at having Little Man in our lives, adoption is still a complicated thing.  Before, this month was about hope and optimism -- that our match would someday happen, believing that adoption is love, and more.  Now, I see so many voices of adoptees who see this month as upsetting and centered on the wrong things.  I suppose the reason I put off writing about this is that I needed time to process my thoughts as well.

On the one hand, we are thrilled to celebrate our new family this month -- which would not have been possible without adoption.  We did our best to pursue this journey as calmly, ethically, and patiently as we could.  Little Man is happy and healthy, and we feel we have a good relationship with his birth mother.  This phase of his life, as he laughs and explores, has been our favorite so far.

On the other hand, many adoptees find the celebration of adoption to be traumatizing.  Setting the transracial concerns aside for another time, the process of adoption can leave permanent scars; the anti-adoption movement makes that clear.  Many groups that challenge adoption or transracial placements often ask questions such as, "What have you done to make changes/improve the system/eradicate harm/etc.?"  Each time I see those questions I start to seriously ponder them since that seems to be the point, right?  I'm supposed to be listening and learning.  I alternately feel like I'm starting to do my part, yet my part will never be enough.  In some ways it seems like no matter what answer I give it will always be met with judgement.  So how do I celebrate this month when I hear so often that it's not something to be celebrated?

I think, though, that at this moment I need to focus on the positives.  I don't know where life will take us from here, and I can't dwell on how Little Man will process all of this as he gets older.  For now this is the road we are taking and we need to take it with our heads held high.  I am choosing to celebrate his happiness, for he is indeed the happiest little guy.  I choose to celebrate his milestones and revel in his changes.  I choose to celebrate the small moments where I get to watch Little Man and Husband playing or the cat being so gentle with Little Man.  I choose the celebrate the hugs and smiles I get when I pick him up from daycare.  For me, I guess this month isn't about the actual adoption; it's about the family I wasn't sure I'd have but that has become more than I ever thought possible.

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