Choice

I have been remiss in writing lately; after a death in the family, priorities have been elsewhere.  I feel compelled to process after a recent move by the Supreme Court to overturn Roe vs. Wade.  Essentially, states now have the ability to set law about abortion.  Within minutes of the ruling, my state passed a trigger law that only allows abortion in medical emergencies.  This ruling has created a tidal wave across the country, with women and transgendered individuals losing control over their own bodily autonomy.

There have been many, many takes on the impact of this decision, but the ones that obviously hit closest to home are the ones shining a spotlight on adoption.  For one, there are serious concerns in some states about the future of IVF; since the procedure can result in the loss of embryos, there is a fear that different interpretations of law could render the process illegal.  People who turn to IVF as a way to start a family may suddenly see that opportunity slip away.  For those like us who researched IVF and decided it wasn't a viable route, there are others for whom IVF is the only viable route.  To have that thrown into uncertainty is heartbreaking.

The bigger narrative that has emerged -- and the one that hits so close to home -- is the renewed focus on the ethical divide this ruling will bring to the adoption industry.  Only an hour or two after the ruling was announced I saw a particular adoption agency show support for women while simultaneously reiterating its mission.  Those moves do nothing to dispel the notion that the adoption agency is about profit over ethics.  Adoptive parents are already seen as opportunists, and there is already a slew of vitriol accusing all of us greedily clamoring to take advantage of this situation.  Those of us who adopted newborns are seen as particular enemies.  When adoptive parents try to defend their positions -- which, to be fair, are not always necessarily defensible -- they are shouted down and asked why they didn't adopt from foster care when there are so many children in need.  Some hopeful adoptive parents are stepping up their social media attempts to connect with expectant parents using this moment as leverage, which is sickening and casts a shadow on the entire adoption triad.  There is also a racial overtone to all of this, given that statistically those impacted most by a lack of access to health care are minorities.  If we hadn't been accused of flexing our privilege in order to adopt before, the floodgates are now open. This ruling has angered me as a woman, scared me as an adoptive mother, and traumatized me as a human.

To be clear, I believe in the reproductive rights of women and transgendered individuals.  No one should experience a forced pregnancy for any reason; adoption cannot be the only choice because not having other options flies against the whole definition of choice.  I would never have wanted Little Man's birth mother to choose us to adopt him simply because she felt backed into a corner.  If I believe in choice for myself, I have to believe in it for all.  There will be some who appreciate my stance and others who call it performative or dishonest, but I can't change that.  All I can do use my voice.