Playing Favorites

Recently Jews around the world celebrated Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  A new year was welcomed with a clean slate, and while I certainly am glad for some aspects of the last year to be over there is also so much I wish I could hold onto.  Little Man is growing up so fast, and it is amazing to see his personality grow and develop.  However, getting older also means becoming more cognizant of everything around him.  He has things he likes and doesn't like, and sometimes the thing he doesn't like is me.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I know Little Man loves me.  99% of the time he is sweet and loving and an absolute people person.  He is reaching the age, however, where he wants to communicate yet doesn't exactly know how; frustration results in hitting, scratching, and grabbing hair.  To be fair, even his physical reactions are minor compared to others his age.  I also know that this is a totally normal developmental phase.  I've also been reassured that toddlers often "act out" more in the spaces and with the people that feel safest.  In the moment, though, it's hard to remember all of that.

This week Little Man has been battling a virus.  Overall his symptoms were mild, but he did run a fever for several days and it was obvious -- our normally sweet and laid-back guy was clingy and fussy.  Well, I should say...he was clingy to Husband.  He and I had split the four days Little Man had to stay home, and during the first two that were Husband's all Little Man wanted was to snuggle in his lap and watch "Little Bear" on TV.  My two days, on the other hand, were full of tears and refusals.  Granted, since I was the one who subjected him to the indignity that is visiting the doctor I may have been Public Enemy #1.  However, there were moments it was clear the only thing that would make Little Man happy was to be with his daddy.  During our family time after dinner Little Man was constantly in Husband's lap, and any comforting from me before bedtime wouldn't do.  Once his fever broke Little Man became the little boy we know and love again, but it was a rough ride getting back there.

I know that parent preference is real, and I also know that for some kids the preference can change.  In many families the preference is for the mother; particularly when a baby is chestfed or a parent stays home, it's not surprise that may kids at least begin seeking out mama over anyone else.  In our home, though, the preference has always been constant.  Little Man and Husband have been besties almost since day one.  Since we formula fed and Husband was able to take shifts with me at night, Little Man had equal time with both of us in his early days.  Their connection, then, was much more organic.  No one can make Little Man laugh harder than Husband.  They love exploring together and share a love of electronics and building.  No doubt they are two peas in a pod.  

It's not to say that Little Man and I don't have fun together, because we do.  We dance to songs together and go on lots of walks.  However, whenever Little Man is happy or sad he wants to share that with his father first.  I love hearing the two of them giggle together while I cook dinner or take care of other chores around the house, but I also realize that Little Man is too young to know all that happens behind the scenes while he lives his best toddler life.  When Husband is gone I'm usually an acceptable alternative, but there are times where it has to be me and I worry about how Little Man will deal with that.  I don't fault him for gravitating towards Husband; it's a sign of his development that he can establish his own boundaries and feelings.  I also acknowledge that it is easy to overanalyze and become self-critical as a parent.  Little Man preferring Husband does not make me less of a mother or wife.  I know this is a long phase and that I will always be Little Man's mama.  This time of introspection should be focused on the good and not on the bad...that is entirely of my own making.