And One to Grow On

Little Man turned two yesterday.  It is so hard to believe that it has been two years since I held him for the first time.  In some ways, the time has passed so quickly -- he is learning and growing daily thanks to his innate curiosity and capacity to absorb things quickly.  I'm constantly impressed when he says a new word or shows an increased awareness of the world around him.  On the other hand, this new stage brings new challenges.  There are some days that seem never-ending.  He may be able to identify things all around him, but that doesn't mean he can communicate the more complex parts of his thinking; as it does with toddlers, frustration can lead to big feelings.  He wants to be independent but doesn't always know how.  When he feels something he can't express he still needs to find a way to let it out, which can wind up being physically.  Trying to remain calm and unaffected while getting hit or having my hair pulled is not easy, nor is keeping myself regulated when he gets overwhelmed with his emotions and breaks down.  Sometimes I can't help but break down with him, and sometimes he is the one to find his way back to happy before I do.  While there are parts of this age that are so exciting and joyful to experience, there are others that are harder than anything we've faced so far.

As I write this I can hear him over the monitor; instead of taking a nap he is chattering to himself, including saying his name over and over.  There's a part of me that can't help but giggle as I listen to him, but there's another part of me that is already exhausted over facing the rest of this day.  This is two, I suppose -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The reality of being a parent is indescribable, in part because it encompasses every emotion imaginable...sometimes all in the same day or even the same hour.  I look at him and I see a little boy who is growing up faster than I sometimes realize.  Memories pop up in my photos showing him as a tiny baby, but he is now truly a Little Man.

Being a toddler is hard.  Being the parent of a toddler is arguably harder.  However, amidst the hard comes the reward.  When Little Man melts down it hurts, but when he then comes to me for comfort and snuggles into my lap as he brings himself back down I find myself in awe that someone needs me in that way.  He may not always be happy to leave his friends when I pick him up from daycare, but I also see him watching and waving to me from the window after I drop him off.  He knows who I am and though there are others that he loves -- sometimes more than me -- in the end it's he and I working through the day-to-day.  I have to remind myself that his hard moments are part of his emotional growth; the fact that he even feels something and wants to share it in some way means he is becoming more of a person.  Yes, some of those feelings are hard or inexplicable.  Some of them, though, are pure and delightful.

Little Man, as you start this new stage in your life journey I hope you don't lose your enthusiasm for life.  You love to laugh, and your sweet nature shines through wherever you go.  You wave at cars and people and animals, and you love to repeat anything you hear.  You always have a song for me in the car, and you dance like no one's watching (or that you simply don't care if they are).  I'm amazed by how quickly you learn.  Your smile lights up your entire face, and when you come up to me and say "hug" while wrapping your arms around me I feel on top of the world.  Happy birthday, my love.  I can't wait to see what this next year brings for you.