Mr. Independent

Little Man is solidly in his "threenager" phase.  I had heard of this before and had even had others helpfully warn me that this was a more difficult age than two.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but only a month in and it's already been a ride.  My sweet, smart, caring guy is still all of that...until he absolutely isn't, which can happen at a moment's notice.  Parenting a toddler is not for the faint of heart.

A big part of it seems to stem from his strong push to be independent while being frustrated that just because he wants to be doesn't mean that he can.  He would love to fully dress himself or take off for an adventure on his bike, but the realization that he needs help is devastating -- which then leads to a desperate plea rather than a simple ask.  His angst sets off mine, and it can be really hard to practice the patience I'm trying to model for him.  I'd love to give him all the independence he craves, but we don't always have an hour to leave in the morning...or the choice to eat five granola bars and nothing else at dinner...or whatever else it may be.  It becomes a balance between respecting his choices but remembering that the part of his brain that controls choice isn't fully developed.  I want to teach him how to think rather than what to think, but he can't fully appreciate that yet and instead of focusing on the long game I sometimes feel reactive instead of proactive.  I've tried hard to break myself of consoling him by saying, "It's ok" because I've learned that to him it isn't, in fact, ok.  However, after an exhausting day it's difficult to hold empathy over something that is seemingly so trivial.  Over the last few weeks I've had times where I felt like a horrible parent simply because I couldn't stop and breathe while trying to guide Little Man to do the same.

I suppose this is where the idea of multiple things being true at the same time is so relevant -- I can respect his need for independence while having to set boundaries.  I can love him and be frustrated by him.  I can make mistakes while teaching him that mistakes are ok.  This kid that I waited so long for can still absolutely drive me to the edge; wanting to be a parent so badly doesn't mean that it still can't be a struggle. I know I will look back one day and be proud of his strong will and self-assurance; for now all I can do is hold on for the ride.