More Than a Piece of Paper

This week I learned that I have been accepted to a doctoral program at Mizzou.  This is an idea I've been toying with for years, but there have always been reasons not to try -- wrong time, finances, a general fear of committing myself to something like this for so long.  However, the reasons why finally outweighed the reasons why not; a combination of the right program at seemingly the right time presented itself and I decided to take the leap.

Going back to school at this age is certainly not a novelty, but every time I groan as I get up from the floor makes me take a slight pause.  I know physical and mental acuity don't exactly correlate, yet it's natural for me to wonder if I'm going to be the "non-traditional" student amongst my cohort.  Do I even remember how to school?  Being a teacher doesn't help, since we like to joke that we make the worst students.  Even since the last time I've been in a graduate program I know expectations, technology, and access have changed; I just hope I've still got a few tricks left to learn.

I also worry about how this will impact Husband and Little Man.  Husband is extremely excited for me and is ready to do whatever he can to support me, for which I'm eternally grateful.  However, I know that this will require more time and focus than I've ever spent on a degree program before.  Choices and compromises will have to be made.  Part of the rationale for doing this now was the hope that Little Man won't remember the nights and weekends Mama will spend working instead of being with him -- the realization, though, that I will begin this program while he's a toddler and earn my degree when he's in kindergarten is hard to fathom.  It seems our family is really good at doing things that take a long time, like adopting or deploying; I guess schooling is just another thing to add to the list.  If those previous experiences have taught me anything, it's that the time races slowly. 

Despite all my fears I also know I'm ready.  This particular degree program will directly support what I'm doing in my classroom; even if I stay in the same position for the rest of my career, I will become a better practitioner in ways that matter to students.  Obviously my head is already spinning with ideas about data and dissertation topics despite not even starting classes until next year, but I know I want this whole experience to matter -- if not just for the students in front of me, for the student Little Man will be and the ones who will come before and after him.