A Bicycle Built for Three

Yesterday was Husband's last day at his job.  It was bittersweet; his coworkers wished him well and told him he would always be part of the team.  I intended to join him for this final hurrah, but I found myself unable to get out of the car without bursting into tears.  I felt so silly -- in some ways I was taking this a lot harder than the person to whom this was actually happening.  But every time I thought about this unexpected situation we were in I found myself scared to lose the family we'd never had to start. The good news is that Husband has quickly found new footing.  After sending out numerous resumes and applications he got back in touch with a previous employer, who enthusiastically offered to bring him back on board.  The hours will be decent, the pay will be a plus, and it won't take long for him to get back into the swing of things. The timing is auspicious -- his new start comes during National Adoption Month.  Today, in fact, is Na...

Husband got called into his boss' office recently.  Although he was praised for his job performance, his position was being eliminated due to company finances.  He had three weeks left on the job. It was an absolute punch to the gut.  We didn't see it coming.  It was clear that his boss didn't want to have to let him go, but business is business.  Too bad business pays no mind to feelings... The next few days were a whirlwind of tears, frustration, and helplessness.  Husband felt horrible for letting me down, and I felt horrible that it even occurred to him to feel horrible.  I tried so hard to stay strong for him, but on the inside I was panicking.  The previous weekend we had plans to pay off some bills early; suddenly we were left wondering what we could do without and what we could sell.  Yes we have savings, but that money was intended for finalizing an adoption.  We were literally one class away from being eligible to match wit...

Husband and I are just a few weeks away from starting our waiting game.  Our home study was approved, we created a profile book, and we are wrapping up the requisite first aid and newborn classes.  This should be an exciting time, and it is...and yet it also isn't.  While we are thrilled to be done with yet another checklist, we are dreading the eventual lack of control. Up to this point we've worked incredibly hard.  It was a great feeling to turn in our home study and to read the final draft granting us approval.  We really reflected deeply as a couple while doing all of our trainings.  We were proud of how we organized the house.  There were real, tangible results from all we had put ourselves through.  But now?  We're starting to face the reality that none of it may matter.  For everything we did, there are so many others who've done just as much if not more.  There are countless hopeful parents out there with stories just lik...

I recently turned 38.  I've never really had issues with my age, but this year stung a little.  However, I think it's less about a number and more about what has (or in my case, has not) happened during that time. Husband and I spent my big day meeting with a social worker to determine if our home was safe for a child.  It took us quite a bit to get to this point, yet it all flew by.  We had a really encouraging meeting with an adoption agency recently and decided to take the big leap.  We spent time filling out form after form, gathering references, completing online trainings, and writing about every aspect of our lives.  After the enormous task of completing our home study paperwork for our agency, we were excited to overcome that hurdle...until we learned that our completed checklist was only the beginning of many more checklists.  We then had to complete paperwork, Part I -- soon to be followed by paperwork, Part II.  We had heard about the...

I've struggled for a very long time with this blog.  I wasn't even sure I wanted to publish it; it's been sitting in my queue as I decided whether or not to make it public.  However, my need to get it all on paper (well, screen) won out. For over two years Husband and I have tried to start a family.  We knew we had a few obstacles -- Husband's past medical issues, my age -- against us, but we were confident we would be fine.  However, we soon learned we had absolutely no idea how much of a roller coaster ride we were in for. After six months we discovered that our obstacles were much more serious than we realized.  Typically doctors want couples to try for a year before seeking medical help, so we approached the next six months with cautious optimism.  Suddenly we found ourselves at a year and had to make the appointment we thought we wouldn't need (which, thanks to the joys of managed care, meant waiting four additional months).  We suddenly found...