Where Do We Go From Here?
Husband got called into his boss' office recently. Although he was praised for his job performance, his position was being eliminated due to company finances. He had three weeks left on the job.
It was an absolute punch to the gut. We didn't see it coming. It was clear that his boss didn't want to have to let him go, but business is business. Too bad business pays no mind to feelings...
The next few days were a whirlwind of tears, frustration, and helplessness. Husband felt horrible for letting me down, and I felt horrible that it even occurred to him to feel horrible. I tried so hard to stay strong for him, but on the inside I was panicking. The previous weekend we had plans to pay off some bills early; suddenly we were left wondering what we could do without and what we could sell. Yes we have savings, but that money was intended for finalizing an adoption. We were literally one class away from being eligible to match with expectant parents; now we faced the possibility of having to stop the process entirely. The day after we found out I was having dinner with my mother, and I was treated to a family the next table over screaming in delight when the daughter announced her pregnancy. I couldn't help it -- I burst into tears right there.
We are heartbroken. Why can't we just catch a break? For some reason our relationship has been full of amazing highs followed by depressing lows. We've put so much of ourselves -- mentally, financially, emotionally -- into our adoption journey and now it might all come to a crashing halt. It's just not fair. We don't ask for much out of life. We feel like we are good people who care about others and not just ourselves. We've come back from grieving our infertility and were so excited to take this next step, and now we have nothing. We will survive this because we are strong and our love will carry us through. However, our hearts our hurting and that's going to take time to heal.
It was an absolute punch to the gut. We didn't see it coming. It was clear that his boss didn't want to have to let him go, but business is business. Too bad business pays no mind to feelings...
The next few days were a whirlwind of tears, frustration, and helplessness. Husband felt horrible for letting me down, and I felt horrible that it even occurred to him to feel horrible. I tried so hard to stay strong for him, but on the inside I was panicking. The previous weekend we had plans to pay off some bills early; suddenly we were left wondering what we could do without and what we could sell. Yes we have savings, but that money was intended for finalizing an adoption. We were literally one class away from being eligible to match with expectant parents; now we faced the possibility of having to stop the process entirely. The day after we found out I was having dinner with my mother, and I was treated to a family the next table over screaming in delight when the daughter announced her pregnancy. I couldn't help it -- I burst into tears right there.
We are heartbroken. Why can't we just catch a break? For some reason our relationship has been full of amazing highs followed by depressing lows. We've put so much of ourselves -- mentally, financially, emotionally -- into our adoption journey and now it might all come to a crashing halt. It's just not fair. We don't ask for much out of life. We feel like we are good people who care about others and not just ourselves. We've come back from grieving our infertility and were so excited to take this next step, and now we have nothing. We will survive this because we are strong and our love will carry us through. However, our hearts our hurting and that's going to take time to heal.
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