Through the Ringer
On the three year anniversary of us trying to start a family, I was overwhelmed by a Facebook posts on behalf of an expectant mother in our state. I spent all day gutted by the enormity of it all.
Imagine my surprise two days later when I received a Facebook message from that very same expectant mother -- somehow, amidst all the comments on the post, she said ours stood out to her and she wanted to get to know us. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I showed the message to Husband and he couldn't believe it; he immediately grabbed me in a hug with tears in his eyes. We carefully considered how to respond, held our breath, and hit "reply".
Throughout the day we messaged back and forth. We learned a bit about her and about the pregnancy. We learned she lived right outside of our city. Each time we responded to a message we thought carefully about what to say. We didn't want to overwhelm her, but we wanted our interest in getting to know her to be clear. The conversation seemed to flow well...until suddenly it didn't.
My final message went unread. We told ourselves not to worry -- it was the start of a holiday weekend, people get busy, we didn't want to come on too strong. We figured we'd get a response when the weekend was over. However, we didn't. That last message continued to show as unread.
I sent one more message, simply to wish her a happy Monday. I even hedged my bet and sent it when her profile showed her as online. I hit send and waited. Sadly, it's now three days later and I'm still waiting. I keep checking to see if she's at least read the message, but she hasn't. It's a sign that she isn't just busy or that she didn't see the message. To us, it shows she is purposely avoiding responding.
I can't really speculate why there was such an abrupt end to the conversation. Maybe she found a different family she preferred. Maybe she changed her mind and now wants to parent. Maybe she was never pregnant and it was all a scam. I don't know, and I never will. In just a few short days I went from such a deep low to an unbelievable high back down to an even lower depth than before. Being given a sliver of hope only to have it taken away is so cruel. I am depressed and angry and confused. I just want to know why, even if it's somehow my fault. Part of me wants to send more messages demanding an answer and blaming her for what she's done to us emotionally. I can't, though. She doesn't owe me a thing. This is her life and her decision, and that baby was never even remotely ours. This is probably agonizing for her, and my need to be reassured doesn't supersede that. This is just another reminder that in this process the expectant family holds all of the cards and we hold none. I just wonder if it would have been better if she had never reached out at all; I guess I'll just never know.
Imagine my surprise two days later when I received a Facebook message from that very same expectant mother -- somehow, amidst all the comments on the post, she said ours stood out to her and she wanted to get to know us. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I showed the message to Husband and he couldn't believe it; he immediately grabbed me in a hug with tears in his eyes. We carefully considered how to respond, held our breath, and hit "reply".
Throughout the day we messaged back and forth. We learned a bit about her and about the pregnancy. We learned she lived right outside of our city. Each time we responded to a message we thought carefully about what to say. We didn't want to overwhelm her, but we wanted our interest in getting to know her to be clear. The conversation seemed to flow well...until suddenly it didn't.
My final message went unread. We told ourselves not to worry -- it was the start of a holiday weekend, people get busy, we didn't want to come on too strong. We figured we'd get a response when the weekend was over. However, we didn't. That last message continued to show as unread.
I sent one more message, simply to wish her a happy Monday. I even hedged my bet and sent it when her profile showed her as online. I hit send and waited. Sadly, it's now three days later and I'm still waiting. I keep checking to see if she's at least read the message, but she hasn't. It's a sign that she isn't just busy or that she didn't see the message. To us, it shows she is purposely avoiding responding.
I can't really speculate why there was such an abrupt end to the conversation. Maybe she found a different family she preferred. Maybe she changed her mind and now wants to parent. Maybe she was never pregnant and it was all a scam. I don't know, and I never will. In just a few short days I went from such a deep low to an unbelievable high back down to an even lower depth than before. Being given a sliver of hope only to have it taken away is so cruel. I am depressed and angry and confused. I just want to know why, even if it's somehow my fault. Part of me wants to send more messages demanding an answer and blaming her for what she's done to us emotionally. I can't, though. She doesn't owe me a thing. This is her life and her decision, and that baby was never even remotely ours. This is probably agonizing for her, and my need to be reassured doesn't supersede that. This is just another reminder that in this process the expectant family holds all of the cards and we hold none. I just wonder if it would have been better if she had never reached out at all; I guess I'll just never know.
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