Staying the Course

Recently I wrote about a difficult decision Husband and I were facing -- do we join a second agency that would widen our reach but would come with a huge financial risk?  After a thoughtful discussion, we decided to decline.  The agency's promises were tempting, but ultimately it came down to our concerns about the ethics of it all.  There were things about the agency that gave us pause, and we weren't entirely comfortable with setting those aside for the sake of making a match.  We care deeply about how expectant mothers are treated, and we feel they deserve the utmost respect and support; they aren't just a means to an end.  We know that this choice will just lengthen our wait, and we accept that turning this new agency down introduces the possibility we won't match at all.  However, we can also sleep better at night knowing we haven't treated this whole process or anyone who is part of it like a business transaction.  Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing, but hopefully it all works out the way it should...

...and just an hour after writing the words above, Husband and I found out through Facebook that a close relative of his is now expecting.  The tears flowed freely, and for a brief moment I regretted our decision.  It was a horrible night, just to add to the many others.  The rest of Husband's family is now eagerly awaiting the newest member while we are already wondering how to avoid all of the excitement.  To add insult to injury, the baby is due right around our wedding anniversary.  It's normally a day for celebration, but now we feel like we may have to hide from the world instead.  We know we made the right choice to keep on the path we're on, but the timing of it all still felt like a huge punch to the gut; each time something like this happens, it feels like a sign that we will never feel that joy ourselves.