A Bicycle Built for Three

There are only a few hours left in 2020.  I don't naively believe that at the stroke of midnight life will magically improve, but I have to have hope that things can only go up from here.  The end of this year hasn't quite been auspicious; I've already been subjected to a pregnancy announcement on social media this evening.  I also don't necessarily believe in making resolutions, but I feel perhaps I need to resolve to find a bit of joy in this upcoming year.  Lately I've had this nagging doubt about 2021 being "our year", so to speak.  I don't know why, but despite having seemingly just renewed our home study I'm already dreading the day we will have to do it again -- not because it's hard, but because I have this impending sense of failure.   I can't let myself start 2021 this way, I just can't.  So even though I don't consider it a resolution, I still am making a recommitment to myself to open my mind and my heart just a little b...

It's Christmas Eve.  Hanukkah ended last week, although we didn't really observe it this year; my mother tested positive for COVID.  Her case was thankfully mild, and although she suffered some complications during her recovery she is doing remarkably well.  So, other than work both Husband and I are basically continuing staying isolated at home as a precaution.  Husband really dislikes not seeing his family at all right now, and I am missing getting to see my sister an awful lot.  However, it's all about safety and we are willing to make the sacrifice. Unless something magical happens, 2020 will end with little hope for a successful adoption.  There are no prospects on the horizon, and even the social media groups have been pretty quiet.  Another year will go by without getting to celebrate as a family of three.  We are trying to find some special activities to do  -- we did a small hike today, we will do some geocaching together for the fir...

Yesterday Husband decided to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather to go for a motorcycle ride, leaving me with the cat and the remote control.  I decided to watch a documentary I had seen advertised called "One Child Nation".  The film examined the fallout of the one-child policy in China.  The filmmaker was inspired to learn more after the birth of her first child; she returned to China and realized the implications the policy had not just for her family but for so many others.  I had a feeling it would be a hard film to watch, and I was right.  Putting aside the impact the policy had on international adoption (a path Husband and I have chosen not to pursue for a variety of reasons) it was a stark reminder of how parenthood can look so different in so many cultures. The idea that babies -- girls in particular -- were cast aside because of this policy made me unbelievably angry.  Here we are aching to be parents, and this film featured people ope...

We spent last night lounging on the couch watching Netflix -- a common occurrence during this pandemic.  Rosa was happy to have us in one place at one time, so she could alternately play with the strings on our sweatshirts, run back and forth across us, and curl up in our laps.  At one point Husband scooped her up and she fell asleep in his arms.  She's done that before, and every time I can't help but wonder what it would be like to hold a child the same way.  It's wistful thinking at this point, and while I don't want it to diminish our adoration of Rosa (or make it seem like a baby would cause us to forget all about her), the comparisons just jump out. At a lull I got on Facebook and saw a post from Husband's family member who recently announced her pregnancy.  On Thanksgiving they did their gender reveal and announced they were having a boy; while I understood wanting to do the reveal on a day when they were with family (although COVID was the exact reason w...