Emotions

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For some reason I've just been a big ball of emotions lately.  I'm not sure why, but I just constantly find myself holding back anger or sadness.  Some of it is likely just general anxiety about working in a pandemic and a continued lack of progress on the adoption front -- nothing new there.  It just seems like every time I look at social media I'm hit with something.

A Facebook friend is about to return to work after a four month maternity leave.  Four months?  If I'm ever lucky enough to even get to have maternity leave, it certainly won't be for four months.  Another Facebook friend just completed an adoption and is posting her baby registry multiple times a day -- including in an adoption matching group for which she is an administrator.  While it's great that she is getting her happy ending, the constant solicitation for gifts (especially in a group where no other situations seem to be forthcoming) is just so insensitive.  I've already ignored a post asking for contact information for anyone who wants to attend a baby shower for Husband's relative, and I scroll quickly when I see someone else showing off her baby bump.  An educator I've followed and admired is also pregnant, and her posts now mostly focus on her baby.  It just doesn't end.

I've briefly considered passive aggressive responses online.  I suppose I could also mute some of these people, but I worry I might inadvertently block myself from seeing opportunities.  You just never know who might bring about a connection, and as angry and frustrated as so many of these posts make me I worry even more about burning bridges. I feel like I just can't win and I'm simply destined to continue swallowing my hurt.

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