New Year, Old Feeling

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2021 is not off to an auspicious start.  COVID is not going away.  Violence erupted in Washington D.C. as protestors staged an armed attack on the Capitol building.  The end of the 2020 did nothing to prepare us for what was to come so quickly in the first days of what was supposed to be a promising new year.

I've also found myself drifting in fog.  My fears about this year have increased with each passing day.  I can't seem to shake the constantly negative thoughts crowding my mind, and I feel like this depression won't go away.  So few situations are presenting themselves, and so many hopeful adoptive parents online are talking about how long they've been waiting -- and usually it's much longer than we have.  I've also seen an emergence of hopeful parents in our state, which creates this internal sense of disgusted competition.  I feel like I'm under a constant weight and nothing I do will lift it off my shoulders.  I don't want to keep feeling this way.  I want this to happen for us, and if it won't I need to find a way to start the grieving process.  Husband and I aren't out by a long shot, but I don't know if I can take years of this burden.

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