A Bicycle Built for Three

Today on social media an adoptive parent made a lengthy post about her situation.  After years of infertility and failed adoptions she and her husband were called for a last-minute situation last week; she is now a mother.  She wrote at length about the emotional, mental, and financial costs of her journey, and I was shocked at some of the details.  Her infertility ended her first marriage and nearly ended her current marriage.  She wrote about the constant stress and disruption to her everyday life -- the years really shook her faith and took a heavy toll.  One of the biggest tolls, though, was the literal cost.  All told, she and her husband are now $150,000 in debt.  In her mind, though, it's all been worth it. I don't know if I could say the same in her position.  She is happy and fulfilled and I wish her the best.  However, one of my fears is being in this exact situation of years of waiting with no positive outcome.  This is one of...

Two nights ago Husband and I received an email from one of our agencies about an external situation.  The circumstances were urgent -- the baby was to be born that night a few states away.  There was the possibility of health issues, but there was no way to know.  Anyone interested needed to reply as soon as possible. We hemmed and hawed.  Out of state would be hard.  Possible heath concerns were scary.  However, with no other prospects on the horizon we didn't want to let something that could be great pass us by.  We took a deep breath, hit "reply", and said we were interested. Then, we waited...and waited...and waited.  Hours after the purported birth we still hadn't heard any more, so we assumed that was that.  Yesterday, however, we learned that the baby appeared healthy and was comfortable in the hospital nursery.  The cycle of uncertainty began again.  We reiterated our interest, knowing it was a long shot but wanting to be ho...

Recently two hopeful adoptive mothers have posted in the social media groups, celebrating being matched with an expectant family.  One shared pictures from a photo shoot announcing a due date in June, which prompted a flurry of congratulations...along with a couple of people questioning whether it was wise given that nothing was official.  The hopeful adoptive mother assured everyone that she had an amazing connection with the expectant mother and that she felt that announcing in this way was right for them.  I didn't jump in the fray -- it wasn't my concern.  I do always question posts like these, though.  The posters say it is to give hope to the rest of us that our matches are out there.  Is that really true, though?  Who am I to question anyone's sincerity, but there's a part of me that finds it all very insensitive.  Hope is great, but maybe without all of the bells and whistles. The other adoptive mother took it a step further, sharing her j...

Recently we received an email about a possible situation.  There were a lot of unknowns, and we were informed that there were some red flags that needed to be addressed before any additional information could be shared.  We waited anxiously all weekend and finally learned more today.  Without giving away details that aren't ours to give, we would not be a good fit.  It would have been extremely high risk on our end, and it is a relief that our agency was willing to do its due diligence on the matter.  It's also just disappointing that a brief prospect is gone so quickly.  So now we move on.