Boundaries

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Today on social media an adoptive parent made a lengthy post about her situation.  After years of infertility and failed adoptions she and her husband were called for a last-minute situation last week; she is now a mother.  She wrote at length about the emotional, mental, and financial costs of her journey, and I was shocked at some of the details.  Her infertility ended her first marriage and nearly ended her current marriage.  She wrote about the constant stress and disruption to her everyday life -- the years really shook her faith and took a heavy toll.  One of the biggest tolls, though, was the literal cost.  All told, she and her husband are now $150,000 in debt.  In her mind, though, it's all been worth it.

I don't know if I could say the same in her position.  She is happy and fulfilled and I wish her the best.  However, one of my fears is being in this exact situation of years of waiting with no positive outcome.  This is one of the reasons we chose not to pursue further fertility treatment; what if we lost everything and had nothing left to try to adopt?  As painful as the waiting continues to be, Husband and I do not want to sacrifice our relationship and connection over this.  He worries when it seems I'm spending too much time poring over social media posts or researching yet another avenue; he knows how anxious I am and wants to carry some of that burden.  Some days have been so much harder than others, and with each day that passes it gets worse.  That being said, I cannot imagine things getting so dark that I walk away from my greatest source of support.  We've had some minor tensions over this or that, but we've never been at the point where adoption takes precedence over our security or comfort.  I refuse to go so far in debt that we have to live a financially stressed life.  I would never allow myself to be so obsessed over this that I push Husband away; I want to be a family with him, not without him.  Being on an adoption journey is about choices, and today reminded me why I've made the ones I've made so far.


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