Connecting the Dots

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It wasn't all that long ago that I wrote about Little Man's musings about his birth mother. It's always going to be a natural and intuitive part of his life, yet every time it bubbles up I feel like I'm caught unprepared.

Recently at dinner Little Man and I were joking and making funny faces. At one point he started playing with his hair, so I asked him what he was scratching his head about. He simply answered, "Mama", which promoted me to ask, "What are you wondering about Mama?" To my surprise he responded, "My birth mama."

I knew he wasn't ready to launch into some deep conversation, so I tried to respond as clearly and as appropriately as I could. I also added him if he ever wanted to me her and he said yes. His mind quickly wandered to the next topic as toddler minds do, but once again his moments of awareness caught me off guard. It doesn't matter how many books or Facebook groups or resources I consume -- they all say this is natural, yet none of them truly console me that I'm doing right by him as he starts to comprehend. To be fair, there may not actually be a way to do right by him since this is a path he can really only travel alone. I can be there to offer support and love, but I know there is always a chance that it's not what he will need in those hard times.

He is also becoming much more cognizant of our physical differences. Research shows that children see race at a much younger age than we think, and Little Man is bearing that out. He knows his skin doesn't match ours, yet he also seems to enjoy that he and I both have brown eyes. He has yet to show that he is bothered by our differences, but his ability to draw out similarities also suggests it's in response to an acknowledgement of contrasts. He talks quite a bit about his pediatrician and his dentist, both of whom are Black, and has even remarked that the three of them look alike (including wearing glasses). I'm glad he feels like he sees himself in his community, but I always wonder if that's enough.  Only time will tell, but for now I'm grateful he eyes are open.

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