A Bicycle Built for Three

Recently I wrote about a difficult decision Husband and I were facing -- do we join a second agency that would widen our reach but would come with a huge financial risk?  After a thoughtful discussion, we decided to decline.  The agency's promises were tempting, but ultimately it came down to our concerns about the ethics of it all.  There were things about the agency that gave us pause, and we weren't entirely comfortable with setting those aside for the sake of making a match.  We care deeply about how expectant mothers are treated, and we feel they deserve the utmost respect and support; they aren't just a means to an end.  We know that this choice will just lengthen our wait, and we accept that turning this new agency down introduces the possibility we won't match at all.  However, we can also sleep better at night knowing we haven't treated this whole process or anyone who is part of it like a business transaction.  Sometimes it's hard to do the r...

Not long ago Husband saw a social media post from an old friend announcing his recent adoption.  Husband was happy for him and reached out to offer his congratulations, and he decided to ask about the particulars -- how long did it take, how did his friend match, etc.  The friend was very gracious in answering questions, including mentioning that he and his husband were signed with an agency (and it turns out they worked with our agency for their home study).  Given there has been little happening with our agency lately, we decided to explore this new avenue further.  We knew our agency wouldn't mind; they even encourage additional networking.  We filled out the free application and made an appointment for a consultation. The Zoom went well.  The director of the agency was an adoptive parent himself, and it was his experience adopting with the agency that led him to become part of the organization.  He discussed how the agency connects with expectant m...

Our home study renewal is complete; we're just waiting for the agency to put on the final touches and send us a copy.  The timing is auspicious, because it seems like we are surrounded by even more pregnancy announcements than ever.  One of Husband's good friends is about to welcome a second child.  A coworker is going to become a grandmother.  Another Facebook friend welcomed a fifth grandchild.  Someone else is a month away from giving birth.  An expectant mother we shared our profile with (along with countless others) through a matching website recently gave birth to twins.  Another expectant mother from that same website received our profile weeks ago but we've received no word, leading us to once again assume we've been passed over.  Even people I only know through posts on social media seem to be sharing joyful news at an alarming rate.  Perhaps alarming isn't the right word (at least for how they feel), but it feels that way for me....

Today is my 39th birthday.  It's hard to believe another year has gone by, and even harder to believe that I will be 40 in (technically) less than a year.  I received many lovely messages from friends, family, colleagues, and students -- quite welcome after a tumultuous start to an unconventional school year.  I've never been ashamed of my age, and people are often surprised to learn I'm older than I look.  A small part of me hoped I'd receive the gift of some sort of positive adoption news today, but I knew the chances were slim.  Thankfully I've had other distractions to steal my focus. I want this so badly to be our year.  The prospect of being a parent is alternately exciting and terrifying, but for some reason the idea of being a parent at the age of 40 is even scarier.  I know many people who are happy, healthy, energetic parents later in life, but I don't think it's the age itself that bothers me.  There is something about that number that ...