A Bicycle Built for Three

A few weeks ago I revisited some of the social media groups and decided to bump our profile.  Some hopeful parents seem to bump themselves up weekly, so I figured it couldn't hurt to try.  Imagine my surprise last week when I saw I had a new Facebook message from an expectant mother asking if we were still waiting to match. I knew I needed to proceed with caution.  The initial message didn't throw a red flag per se, but previous experience tells me to always be on guard when being approached.  I exchanged a few messages with the mother, and her responses seemed much more relaxed and genuine then her initial message; I suppose that makes sense, given how it might have felt to put herself out there at the start.  She shared a few pictures and a bit about herself, and she seemed very kind. However, she then asked if I was religious.  I was honest, and that's when I knew it was over.  The expectant mother talked of her faith and how important it is to her....

Last week I saw a post on one of the social media groups from a lawyer looking to interview hopeful adoptive parents for a project.  I was interested to learn more, so I replied I'd be open to talking.  A time was set, a Zoom invite shared, and a few days ago we spoke. I was a bit nervous as to where this would go, but as it turns out the lawyer and I had a lovely discussion about our adoption journey.  Nothing was advertised, nor was I pressured to take part in anything; her questions were simply designed to get feedback from people trying to adopt. I found myself answering her questions openly and bluntly -- I figured I had nothing to lose, and I'd likely never speak to her again.  There was no need to worry about being judged.  I was pleased to feel the exact opposite, actually.  Although she had her scripted questions, it was clear she truly wanted to hear what I had to say.  Our conversation covered a range of topics, and I addressed a lot of the ...

I was checking my junk email when I saw a message from our agency from this morning.  It notified us that our profile had been shown...but we were not chosen.  Normally the agency wouldn't tell us that, but they've gone through some changes and it appears that policy has shifted.  While we at least know the outcome and aren't left wondering if a call would be coming soon, seeing it in print like that stings.  So far National Adoption Month hasn't been going our way.

I am still teaching in an era of COVID.  Somehow the weeks flew by and we tumbled into the second semester of school.  This week another layer of intensity was added when our students returned four days a week -- a decision made more complicated by the fact we are housed in a building with high school students who are still only attending two days a week.  Preparing for the change included room changes, schedule changes, technology changes, and more.  We're a few days in and I feel ok.  I'm still tired and overwhelmed and feel like I can never really get ahead, but we've had moments where I've actually felt like a decent teacher.   To accommodate our returning students I was moved across the building into an unused classroom, and while it has taken me farther away from my teammates it's also tucked me into a quiet little area and I'm feeling encouraged by the solitude.  Although I'm being mindful to not disrupt anything in the room that isn't mine...

Today at work my boss decided we should once again reflect on our words for the year.  I wrote previously about this, noting that it came when we were at an extremely low point in our fertility struggle.  At the time I chose the word "strength" in the hopes it would help carry us through the uncertainty we were facing. Two years later I find strength has a different meaning.  We are still staying strong, but it isn't always easy.  I've found that part of the difficulty in staying strong is the fear that I'll never be good enough.  After all this time it still feels odd talking about being chosen by someone, but it is what it is.  The longer we wait to match, the harder it is not to feel inadequate. So, this year my word is "worthy". I have to believe that I am worthy of being a mother and that the anxiety of the wait will be forgotten when it finally happens.  I need to stop doubting myself and reassure myself that it's just not my time yet.  My w...

It's November 1, which means it is the start of National Adoption Month.  Coming the day after Halloween wouldn't normally matter, but last night one happened to collide with the other.  We spent a lovely evening sitting socially distanced around a friend's fire pit handing out Halloween candy.  Seeing so many young ones in costume made my mind wander to what our first Halloween with a child would be like -- would we dress up as a family?  What kinds of pictures would we get to take?  Husband doesn't typically acknowledge Halloween, but would having a little one change his views? We also heard about our friend's latest real estate plans.  She and her husband are considering listing their home and buying a much larger home that they would share with her daughter and son-in-law.  I was genuinely curious about the whole idea, so I asked what prompted them to consider it in the first place.  She revealed that her daughter would like to adopt one day, ...