Mother's Day

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Today is my first Mother's Day. Last year we were matched with Little Man's birth mother but didn't know fully what to expect. I spent the weekend with two dear friends as a way to distract myself from the wait, having no idea that he would be born only three days later. I have been absolutely spoiled by Husband, Little Man, and others -- gifts, cards, texts. Our daycare made me an adorable key chain and framed pictures. We went to an art fair today and a florist was surprising mothers with a red carnation. It has been a lovely day.

However, for much of the day I was also strangely unsettled. There are so many takes about Mother's Day, including from the adoption world. The day before Mother's Day is known to some as Birth Mother's Day -- yet there is a divide between whether it is respectful or offensive. Those with complicated parent/child relationships or those who have experienced loss or infertility hate how this day pours salt into wounds. The definition of "mother" is a highly charged topic, and there is no one right view. The trauma that can accompany adoption is often amplified by adoptees on this day. Before Little Man I had my own misgivings about what was once my Dark Day. Some see this as a day to celebrate whole others decry it as exclusionary.

After looking forward to this first Mother's Day for so long I suddenly didn't know how I felt. The conflicting viewpoints can make any reaction feel wrong. Any joy is tinged with guilt, and any misgivings seem disrespectful. I want to share my happiness freely, yet I'm overwhelmed by others who don't know me claiming I shouldn't celebrate what Little Man has lost. On the other hand, downplaying today minimizes all I do for him and how I've grown throughout the most rewarding but difficult year of my life.

As I sat wrestling with these emotions Husband asked me how I was doing. He assured me that I shouldn't worry about what others think or say; the smiles and hugs I get from Little Man show that he knows exactly who I am. Husband also told me that at bedtime he and Little Man say goodnight to the picture of his birth mother than hangs in the nursery.  Hearing that made my heart sing -- not just because of how wonderful Husbamd is, but because it reminded me of how we are doing our best for our son. So, while I think that Mother's Day will always be complex for me, it is a day I will embrace.


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